


do not go gentle into that good night and fall to your fiery death

by dougeiffel



Category: Wolf 359 - Fandom
Genre: My first attempt, also ft. secret bi doug eiffel, constructive criticism if you feel like it, for optimum ambiguity, formatting is not up to snuff and i know it, implied doug eiffel/hera, please be gentle with my fragile carbon based uncomfortably liquid body, unbeta'd so just raw nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 12:40:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8372638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dougeiffel/pseuds/dougeiffel
Summary: Doug Eiffel thinks a lot about death. He wonders if he is alone. When he "died" the first time, it was not what he wanted. Thus, Doug Eiffel Our Lady of Sorrow gives the crew a chance he didn't have. Plus, the interstellar NSA, cue ball heads, useless Looney Tunes references, Darth Kepler, and space hypothermia.





	1. Isabel Lovelace

"This isn't realistic, Jacobi, you can't just-"  
"Captain?"  
"What?"  
Officer Eiffel stopped in the doorway of Lovelace's quarters as she spun around, eyebrows furrowed, eyes burning with rage. Her visage softened slightly, the hard lines marking her forehead receding into flesh, when she saw who it was.  
"Yes, Eiffel?"  
"Are you busy?"  
Lovelace sighed, turning back to her comms panel she threatened Maxwell into installing. "I am always busy."  
"Too busy for the ol' type and talk?"  
"What do you need, Eiffel."  
"If you were...if. Um." Words were not nearly so easy anymore. Eiffel understood what a brain glitch felt like now. Thanks, space hypothermia.  
"Speak."  
"If we were about to die a fiery plebeian death by flaming gas bubble, what would you say to the crew?"  
Lovelace blinked. "You're asking what my last words would be? Eiffel, is this--did you do something? Hera, did he do something?"  
"Negative, Captain. All systems nominal with the exception of a moderately sized fire started by Officer Jacobi in the aft hangar bay." Hera sounded curious, but offered no other conversation.  
"God damn it. What is this about, Eiffel?"  
"Look, Captain, you've got to see a man about a bomb, I get it, I'll just-"  
Lovelace turned to face Eiffel again, visibly thinking. "I'd tell command they can kiss my black ass."  
That's a start. "Colorful words, Captain."  
"Jacobi, Maxwell, and Kepler would all get the same treatment."  
"Unsurprising."  
"For Hilbert. Selberg. Whatever the hell his name is. Nothing. I have nothing to say to him."  
"That's fair. Killing all your friends will do that to you, y'know?"  
Lovelace shot him a glare. "Minkowski...I don't know. I would tell her...thank you."  
"Why?" Eiffel, who assumed Minkowski would get an only slightly less aggressive response, was a little taken aback.  
"Begrudgingly, she has done a lot for me. Kept me alive. I owe her."  
"I bet she loves you too, Captain," he said with a grin. God, it took so much effort.  
Lovelace glared at him yet again. It was a common occurrence. He prided himself on being infuriating with so little effort. "I have a lot of other things to be doing, Eiffel."  
"By all means, continue."  
Lovelace seemed to be lost in thought. "If these were my last words to say to you people? I would tell you all I'm sorry."  
Silence on behalf of the peanut gallery. Eiffel had nothing to say and was just about to open his mouth when she continued.  
"I would tell Hera I'm sorry especially. I know I...the things I have said to her are...regrettable." The last word seemed to be ground out between her teeth. Apologies were clearly not so easy as Eiffel thought. "I was unnecessarily cruel to her. What Maxwell found in her programming, that's..." Lovelace trailed off, voice uncharacteristically emotional.  
"How about me, Captain?" Eiffel hoped to distract her from the impending reality she had been unduly harsh on Hera by inviting critique of himself.  
She snorted. "Fuck you, Eiffel." Considering for a second, she said, "But I'm sorry. They all--the crew--blamed me for what happened to you. I suppose I was too defensive at the time to take responsibility. It was, partially, my fault. I'm sorry for that."  
"Oh Captain, my Captain."  
Lovelace turned back to her panel, and before pressing the comms button to, inevitably, shout Jacobi down, she said, "Get the hell out of my quarters, Eiffel."


	2. Renée Minkowski

"Hera, can we interface between you, me, and Kepler to see if we can get this thing up and running?" Minkowski was ankle deep in wires, screws, and assorted paneling.  
"Affirmative, Lieutenant. Conferencing Colonel Kepler."  
"Minkowski?" Eiffel already felt like he was interrupting for an inexplicably stupid question. "Are you in the middle of something supercallifragilisticexpialidocious important?"  
Hera's voice cut in, "Yes, Officer Eiffel, she is. Lieutenant Minkowski is installing a new software into my remote processing hub-"  
Minkowski turned, forehead smeared slightly with what appeared to be grease. Or ashes. One never knew anymore. "And I need Kepler or Maxwell's voice confirmation to install any software. You get Kepler yet?"  
"Negative, Lieutenant."  
"Ooookay. Break time it is. Let me know when you find him, since Maxwell's on her space walk." Minkowski turned towards Eiffel, temporarily free. "What do you need, Eiffel? Tell me Lovelace isn't planning another petit revolución."  
"No. I just have a question. Personal."  
"I'm not telling you about my first boyfriend, Eiffel. Just because you accidentally told me about yours-"  
"No, Comman-Lieutenant Minkowski." Eiffel didn't like not calling Minkowski commander. However, undue comms monitoring thanks to Maxwell had left him little choice in most places. "If today was your last day on the ship before we, oh, I don't know, fell into the star, what would you say to everyone?"  
Minkowski looked panicked. "Hera, what is he talking about? What did he do?"  
"Nothing, Lieutenant. All systems nominal."  
"Why does everyone keep thinking I did something? Jesus." Eiffel managed to effect a tone of hurt. "I've done nothing, ye of little faith."  
"Then why do you want to know?"  
"...I think a lot about death?" The answer was more candid than either of them realized.  
"Fine. I would tell Kepler he and his little boyfriend Jacobi can kiss my ass."  
Eiffel snickered. "You and Lovelace are like twins."  
"You asked Lovelace?"  
Eiffel nodded. "However, as much as I enjoy being this station's Dan Humphrey, all answers are confidential."  
"What does that even--never mind. Maxwell would get a thank you for bringing Hera back and nothing else."  
"Fair. She's not really done much else for you."  
"Astute as always, Eiffel. I would apologize to Lovelace. I'm a little hard on her. A...a lot hard on her. Most of it was justified, but. I would apologize for when it was not. As far as Hera, I would say thank you. She's been the only one consistently keeping us alive all this time. We'd have nothing without her. We'd be dead."  
"You're welcome, Lieutenant." Hera gave her reply and went silent once again.  
Minkowski looked at the speakers, smiling slightly, before looking back at Eiffel. "As for you, I would...Eiffel, I don't know. I'd apologize. It was because of me--us. That you...what happened to you happened at all. I'm sorry."  
Eiffel grimaced. "No one's fault, Minkowski. Don't feel too bad. I loved the feeling of the solar wind on my cue ball head."  
"Ho ho ho. I would tell you you've been a good comms officer. And that I've been honored to serve with you."  
"Been an honor to serve with you too...Commander."  
Minkowski rolled her eyes. "Watch it. The interstellar NSA will come for you."  
"Let 'em."  
"As for Hilbert, I'd jettison him out the aft airlock."  
"A course we can all agree on, I think."  
Minkowski nodded just as Kepler's voice cut through the speakers. "You called, Lieutenant?"  
"Yessir. I need your voice confirmation to allow me to install new software into Hera's mainframe. It's giving me an error..."


	3. Dmitri Volodin

Being alone with Hilbert in a laboratory was, by far, one of Eiffel's least favorite feelings.  
"What's up, doc?"  
"How many times will you say this, Eiffel? I grow tired of reliving something I did not know existed until you boarded this station." Hilbert, with his back turned to Eiffel, continued to work.   
"Fine. I just came to ask what your last words to the crew would be if we were about to die a horrible fiery death, which we are not," he added as Hilbert began to turn, notably more frantic than before. "You're not interested though. I'm not sure I'm interested. You being a selfish, murdering bastard and all."  
A long moment of silence. At least a minute passed before Eiffel said, "Alright, well. I'll put you down for apologies all around. Nice talking to you, doc. Be sure to not let me know if you need anything."  
As he was about to leave, Hilbert quietly said, "Nothing."  
"Nothing?" Eiffel was incredulous. "After all the Machiavellian bullshit you've pulled on all of us, nothing?"  
Another long silence. "They would not forgive me regardless. Nothing but an exercise in futility."  
Without a response or a reasonable way to disagree, Eiffel quietly left.


	4. Hera

"Hera?"  
A moment of silence before, "Yes, Officer Eiffel?"  
"What would you tell each of the crew if we were about to plummet into the star?"  
The silence was longer. "Officer Eiffel, why have you asked a-all of the crew the same question?"  
Eiffel considered. He was alone. No shame in being honest at this point. "When I was...gone. I thought a lot about my last words to all of you. And they were so...dry. I wanted to let other people have the chance I didn't get. In case."  
"That's quite s-selfless of you."  
He snorted. "I guess. Or just shameless fishing for compliments."  
"...no one has complimented you, O-Officer Eiffel."  
Ever the pragmatist.  
"I am aware of that, Hera, thank you."  
"Do I have to answer for everyone aboard?"  
"No. Only the people you want to." Eiffel brushed his teeth while Hera was silent.  
After a few moments, she spoke. "The Captain deserves a t-thank you."  
Eiffel rolled his eyes. "Everyone keeps thanking one another. Where was this sort of camaraderie when Darth Kepler arrived?"  
"I'm electing to ignore that. I would thank h-her for her apology and selflessness. I would f-forgive her."  
"That's big of you."  
"I'm a big girl."  
"I know you are, baby. Continue." Pulling on his pajamas pants, he flipped the light and climbed into his bunk.  
A thoughtful hum came through the speakers. Eiffel felt himself falling asleep as she explained her feelings about Minkowski (awe, fear, affection, the like), not out of boredom, but out of necessity.  
He was nearly entirely asleep when he heard Hera say his name. She though he was asleep and was lost in her thoughts or approximations thereof. His ears perked up.  
"I...don't know if artificial i-intelligences can say they love someone, because there are chemical p-processes that infer feelings and development of emotional connections, and I can objectively analyze those b-but never experience them. I know what it looks like and the physical sensations accompanying, but never the real thing. I think, Doug, if I were human, I w-would tell you I love you."  
Eiffel smiled to himself before saying, "I love you too, baby."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end! I'm considering MAYBE adding a chapter for Our Lady of Sorrow Doug Eiffel himself, but I dunno. Depends on my life/if anyone actually enjoys this/gives valid criticism. Regardless, thanks to the whole cast of Wolf 359 but especially Zach Valenti for ruining my life.


End file.
